Saturday, April 30, 2005

The beginning of the end of an era

A good friend told me not that long ago that my parents moving to Canada and me loosing my childhood home, would make me have the same feelings as suffering grief. And however much I thought it would hurt then, it would get worse in time and I would experience the same motions as grief. I tried to deny it, but like normal she was right. The feelings are embedding themselves into me more and more each day. But it is truly like no understands what is going on.
I keep thinking about what the hell I am doing with my life, is going to salford uni the best thing I could be doing. Should I have chosen to be moving to Canada with everyone else?! I question my decision all the time, and now I am finding it harder to reassure myself that I have made the right decision. But I know that moving to Canada would be the wrong decision as well. The place I want to be and the people I want to be with isn't a viable option and won't be for another 3 years.
Everyone told me that to make this decision I had to be selfish and only think about me and my life. But what they hadn't realized is that everyone else has put me into the position I am in, so I do not get to choose the option which is best for me. As I truly believe none of the options are right. And whichever way it turns out I doubt I will ever be happy with the decision I make.

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