The cold light of day

So the explanation of what went on yesterday. Firstly Treena and Jeff decided to show up out of the blue on the way back from Wales. They didnt seem to impressed that I was actually going out when they arrived but that is not my problem if they don't give us any warning that they are going to show up. She also got really annoyed to find that I had been sleeping in "her" bedroom, well there was no place to stay in my room so where am I going to sleep?! So the world begins to revolve around Treena again.

Anyway I ended up going out with Faye & Tim and Sarah & Roland we went for pizza and then to the cinema to watch War of the Worlds. I knew things were different from the moment I stepped into the car. For the first time in 3 years I couldn't actually keep a conversation going with Faye. Then something seemed to of changed between me and Sarah. Well anyway the whole evening through I felt like a 5 wheel / gooseberry. And to be quite honest I really don't think they wanted me to be there. And that's fine I completly understand that if they wanted to do the coupley thing or just not want me there then go for it, I would just of prefered them to tell me. Now don't get me wrong I have no problems going out with friends who are couples, I do it regularly and it's all good by me. But when it gets to the point that no one talks to you and they just want to speak sweet nothings to their partner then I have an issue. Even in the car on the way back no one said 2 words to me, as they were doing the coupley thing. It just put me on a huge pissed off downer which Dr. Pepper couldn't even get me out of.
Lastnight was the first time in a long time that when I was out I had an issue with my single status. It made me realise that out of all of my friends over here I am now the only single one- such a great realisation! For so long I have been actually quite happy being single just because it was easier with what was happening in my life. Now it's not and I want to be in a relationship. I want to share part of my life with someone and have that extra connection that comes in a relationship rather than a friendship. I just want someone to except me for me. I know I'm not the thin girl, or the pretty girl. Yeah I may suffer from depression and it means I have my bad patches and really shitty days, but it also means when I have good days I appreciate them even more than most people but being depressed isn't all who I am. And yeah I have my baggage which messes things up at times but doesn't everyone have some. I'm not trying to make out that I don't have my problems because I do and I know that I am not the easiet person for a guy to have in their life but why can't any of them see past that stuff? I'm sick of having to change myself for guys to have me in their life, I just want a guy who will just take me for me the good as well as the bad. I want to be the person someone wants to be with, rather than me being the one always wanting to be with them.