Get me out of HERE!!!!

Firstly Happy Birthday Brian and Lotta!! Wish I was with either of them but I can't be so that's that I guess. I kept myself together well when talking to them which I was quite proud of, just broke down afterwards but that's nothing new at the moment.

Yesterday and today I have been trying to pack my room up. I have been positive about it, with a whole new start and don't need all this baggage etc. It's kind of doing my head in at the moment though because I have to split everything up into 4 different sets of boxes. The stuff to take to uni & need at the moment, stuff to go to my parents, things that need to go in storage over here and stuff to get rid of. The hardest thing out of all of it though has been taking all my photos down from the walls and putting all my photo frames away in boxes. It may sound stupid to anyone else but I need my photos around me. I have too many people who are very important people to me and they are not around in my life cos of where they live. Having their pictures around me helps me when I miss them. Crazy I know but that's me. But my parents have told me I can't put them back on the walls after my room has been decorated. It will be an interesting couple of months ahead.

Things between me and my parents keep going from bad to worse. The guilt trips and the emotional black mailing to make me go to Canada is just getting too much. It got to the point now that I can't even look at them. They don't get how I feel about any of it and when I try to explain it just turns into a massive slanging match. All hell broke loose between me and my mum at 1am this morning. Then again this afternoon. The thing is both of them are now slagging each other off to me which is not what I need. And the best of it is they are trying to blame all of it on the fact that I am staying here where the actual problem is their relationship. I'm sick of it. This afternoon dad told me he would finally talk to mum, so what happens he doesn't I end up in a complete shouting match with my mum and I'm the one who looks like a complete bitch and he just stood there with his mouth shut.

I don't want to be in this house for another 2 months with them if this is what it's going to be like. I thought the last 2 months of us living together would be nice well how wrong was I! If it carries on like this I will be moving out sooner because they are making me feel worse than I already am and I do not need it. Selfish I know but there we go!