Last night

I never want another night like lastnight. I don't think I can cope with more nights like that. Not sleeping I can deal with, the anxiety attacks I can deal with I guess but the rest I can't.
A friend told me if I ever needed to talk to her day or night to call her, well I needed to call her but l couldn't. My mother decided that she was gonna stay down stairs where the phone was so I couldn't ring her. I can't cope with feeling that bad. I thought this morning that it was a new day and everything would be ok. How wrong was I, I'm just getting further and further down, and it is speeding up more and more. I want to get out of this spiral but I don't even know how to anymore.
I think the only good thing about lastnight was that I made it through to this morning.
I have become far too dependent on 2 people, firstly I feel bad for always dumping everything on them. The other problem is that neither of them live in the same country as me. There is no-one I can tell here what is actually going on. I have tried to talk to my godmother but she doesn't get it. I can't tell my parents, my mates who I could tell are all at uni. Then there is faye I wish I could tell her, she knows things are getting bad again but I don't want to dump all my crap on her as she is so happy with her wedding in 4 weeks time.
I just want to feel better and happier and I don't know how much longer I can cope feeling this bad anymore.