Music

Music used to be my life, whatever I was doing used to have music involved in it somehow. And it was like this until 3 years ago. It used to be my release from everything, if I was angry, upset, frustrated, happy, lonely-however I felt it was there. I would just go in my own world and be able to release everything I felt in a non-destructive way.
I wish I had never given music up, I think it was the biggest regret of my life so far. I tuned into part of the Classical Brit awards tonight, and it got to me something chronic. Within 5 minutes of watching it I was feeling bad. They had Julian Lloyd Weber playing a fantasia from Phantom of the Opera, and then a choir came on and sang something by Mozart I used to sing in choir. It was my old music life summed up into 5 minutes- cello, singing, musicals and choir. The only thing its didn't involve was being in a band.
Whenever I meet up with a couple of my friends who I used to go to school with they always question me, have you started playing music again? If not why not? And will you be doing it again anytime soon? The answers have always been the same, no, no and you know why as you were in our music lessons. They keep telling me I should be doing it, but it's not going to happen. It's not that I didn't enjoy it because I loved every minute of it, and I still love jamming and messing round with my mates now. And I am even jealous of one of my friends who is doing a degree in music at uni this September. But there is a reason I gave it all up and however much I regret it, it doesn't mean I will start again. All of my music (8 years of it) is all hidden away in boxes underneath my bed and maybe they will come back out again. But I don't think that day will be anytime soon. And if they do come out, it won't be me being public about it.
In the last year I have been thinking about it more and more, I have tried to make moves to start up the cogs to be able to do these things again. But my old choir master never got back in touch with me and an old music teacher who is the only one I ever trusted never got back in touch. Maybe these are the signs I should be following. Music is my past and it should stay there.