Cocktail hour

So I'm moving to Canada....So I should be happy right? Well I am happy a bit of the time but the rest of the time talking to people about it I just end up in tears. But however upset I get I don't regret my decision but it just scares me to pieces. What happens with the few friends I do have out there and the family that have met me? I am a very different person now than I was 2 years ago and what happens if they don't like that. It's going to be strange but great to see those peeps again but it scares me as well. Since the decision was made on Thursday I keep having to tell people and still I've only told a handful of people but every time I tell someone I see the look on my friends face and it hurts me. The people I have told so far are the closest people to me, they have been there for me through it all the worst and best times over the years, some of them have known me for over 2/3rds of my life. And it hurts telling them! Makes what is happening real- yes but still hurts like mad! It doesn't make it any easier that most of my friends are going to be going back to uni in the next couple of weeks so I won't be able to see them regularly either.
Everyone important to me seems to be supporting me 100% about my decision. They all say that I have made the right decision and that they are very happy that I have finally admitted to myself and everyone that I am not strong enough to be over here. Even Heather admitted to me this evening that if I did end up staying here for 3 years or carried on the way I'm going at the moment I will end up having a nervous breakdown- not the nicest thing to hear. But it is the truth and I finally can admit that.
I decided to move to Canada because I'm not strong enough to be here. I need my safety network and that is disappearing far too quickly and if I ended up having 3 years ahead of me like the last 3 years I don't know what shape I would end up at the end of it all. I can finally admit that I am too screwed up to do a degree in psychology & counselling and I wouldn't get out of it what I needed to get out of it. Plus there are also a huge amount of things I need to sort out for myself before I even think about going into that career again as I would end up screwing other people and myself up. I don't even know if that is the career I want to take anymore and hopefully taking this year out will let me get some answers. I had to do a lot of soul searching but at the end of it I found that I made my decision a long time ago I just needed to make that leap of faith for it to happen.
So the leap has been made- all of my loans, accommodation and university stuff has all been cancelled. So no going back now. I have even been in touch with the Canadian High Commission to receive my S.I.N so I can work as soon as I get there. But I have decided to take a month out before flying over and going to Sweden before flying out.
Tonight I went out for dinner with heather and the bar men found out that we were celebrating the fact of me moving to Canada so I got lots of free cocktails. WOO WOO!!! But it has also made me quite drunk especially as I started to find out the mixture of booze I have in my system right now- I'm thinking my head could be quite special in the morning especially with the paint fumes. But I will let you all know what happens tomorrow!